


tatakai.

by Yui_Miyamoto



Category: Initial D
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, M/M, siblings pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-07-24
Updated: 2004-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:08:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27920509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yui_Miyamoto/pseuds/Yui_Miyamoto
Summary: Keisuke finds a picture of Takumi in his brother’s wallet.
Relationships: Takahashi Keisuke/Takahashi Ryousuke
Kudos: 1





	tatakai.

**Disclaimer: Initial D isn’t mine.  
**  
When there is something to fight for, you have nothing to do, but to stand up and contend with all of your might. There is nothing less that can be said or done when you have given everything for a belief, whether it is “right” or “wrong”.  
Each human being lives on the principles they have learned to build up during their years of living in this psychotic world. And through its abnormal, unpredictable temperament, you find yourself searching for a purpose in life.  
  
Though the one you cherish is caught in the middle of the fire, wanting to be consumed by that one belief they hold so dear, you don’t pretend to understand.   
And yet they still continue to fight because it gives them fulfillment.  
  
Even at the price of death.  
  
But cowards die for their principles. It is so much harder to live.  
So much harder to live through…  
  
  
 **tatakai. (fight.)  
by miyamoto yui**  
  
  
“I can’t be quiet about this any longer.”   
Closing the book in his hand, Aniki swerved his chair towards my direction. He crossed his legs and tilted his head as he gave a serious look towards me, whose critical eyes were trying to make a deep, burning impression on him. With the amount of emotion contained in those two eyes, I couldn’t help but feel angered inside by the contrasting stoic expression which conveyed none of his inner thoughts.  
I just couldn’t ever read him.  
  
“I want to race too,” I told him as I stood in front of him with his face looking up at me. He lifted his hand and held mine for a while.  
  
In this silence, he pointed his head down and looked at the floor. “I’m not going to discourage you.”  
But with his tone of voice, you could tell how much he was protesting against it. It wasn’t that he was trying to be possessive or selfish about the whole affair. No, that wasn’t how my brother was. What I could tell was that he already knew the dangers, consequences, and risks that came with this decision and he didn’t want me to become addicted as he had.  
  
I held onto his hand for a moment and then he let go of me.  
  
But what he didn’t understand was that I was feeling lost without him. Because he was absorbed within his laptop and the world of racing, he wasn’t looking at me. His attention was going somewhere else. And he was going far away.   
He was going somewhere that I didn’t understand.  
  
I wanted to.  
I needed to.  
  
In order to fully understand him.  
  
For my brother never really talked and so, for all these years, I had to comprehend everything by instinct. I had to feel my way as if I were walking blindfolded through the darkness and only his voice guided me.  
  
I was even losing that.  
And that hurt so much that I couldn’t accept the fact that there was something I couldn’t reach.  
  
If it meant that I had to go this far, then so be it…  
  
“We’ll go over the basics together tomorrow then.” He then turned around and didn’t face me any longer as the wind from outside blew through the room.   
  
I smiled as I put my hand on his shoulder. “Thank you, Aniki.”  
“How can I say no to you, Keisuke,” he said as his lips turned upward and he shook his head.  
  
“But what do I have to do?” I asked, a bit afraid of what I’d gotten myself into, but excited as well.  
“Just trust me.”  
  
Then, I left his room, but before I closed the door, I stared at his back. Even though this was a familiar scene to me, somehow it seemed different to me that day.  
  
And racing turned out to be wonderful. I began to see it through the eyes that he gave me to see it with.   
The people we met, the feel of power in my fingers, the atmosphere of being able to be focused on something gave new meaning to me and my life. All in all, I loved the feel of my FD and I was so proud to be where I was.  
With my brother’s guidance, I was able to grow and push further as a racer, but I learned many things about him and myself that were only revealed through racing.  
  
There was one time in which I was very dazed and even though I acted confident, my brother had to take me aside. Far from the crowds and the other racers, we stood in the darkness and he gave me a harsh look.  
Those eyes didn’t look like they belonged to my brother at all.   
  
I’d seen my brother upset before, but this was nothing compared to what I’d ever seen. He was no longer my brother as his usual gentle eyes gave me an exacting expression, trying to rip me apart with a mere glance.  
  
“Keisuke! What are you doing?”  
It looked like he wanted to kill me and I couldn’t believe that this person was in the body of my own brother.   
  
“What?” I blinked at him, confused as to why he was giving this outburst.  
“What are you afraid of? Where is the Keisuke that I know?” He gave me a solemn, yet determined expression.  
  
My brother wasn’t usually affectionate, but he reached out his hand towards my shoulder. He squeezed it firmly, but tenderly.  
  
Honestly, I told him while looking straight into his eyes, “I don’t know if I can meet the expectations you have for me.”  
  
Taking his hand off my shoulder, he poked me on the forehead. Then, he smiled as he shook his head. “Those are your own expectations that you’re thinking of. Do you know why, Keisuke? I wouldn’t have invested all my time and effort on you if I didn’t know that you had the potential.”  
I looked into his eyes and began to curve my lips a bit.  
  
He continued, “If I didn’t feel that way, I wouldn’t trust or believe in you so much. You already exceeded my expectations and you always continue to.”  
  
I sighed in relief as I nodded my head slowly. “Thank you, Aniki.”  
  
As he turned to go back to the group, I stood behind him and watched his back walk away from me. “Aniki?”  
He stopped walking, but his back still faced me. “Yes?”  
“Never mind…”  
  
He began to walk and I trailed behind him with a new confidence that I never knew before. ‘ was a confidence that stemmed its foundation within me and grew from that moment on. Even though I acted like it before, there was still doubt within me.  
But from that time on, the only thing that I could rely on was myself and no one else’s words.   
  
Though my brother had changed me, he was always pushing me to become better when I didn’t know I could.  
His words repeated in my head, “Just trust me.”  
  
Yes, I did. That’s why I desperately wanted to be wherever you were…  
  
That’s why, at this moment, I’m thinking of those words you told me as I’m staring at a picture of Fujiwara Takumi with a smile on his face next to his 86. He’s sitting on the car with his hands folded, but with a soft expression on his face. He’s not facing the camera, but clearly grinning widely with his eyes almost closed while pointing his head towards the ground.  
  
I don’t want to touch the picture on the ground, in between the folds of my brother’s wallet.   
  
It’s staring up as if it’s laughing at me.   
  
I sit on the bed and continue to look at the picture on the ground with a tightened chest. I know I shouldn’t act like a little kid, but I know that as much as I push away my feelings, it’s useless.   
  
Even though he’s talking to me with a calm voice while trying to tell me about tomorrow’s race, I half listen to his words as the feeling in my heart becomes more and more unbearable. It’s as if something’s trying to burst out, I’m trying to hold it in, and then there’s something trying to kill it with a sharp point of a pen, all at the same time.   
  
I distantly gaze at my brother’s back and the back of his chair.   
  
And it is then that I realize that my brother and I am are the same. He doesn’t say anything superfluous while I can’t say what I really think when the important time comes. In the end, I can only feel my way through.  
  


Especially with you.  
  
As I say to Kenta, “I can’t explain it, but I understand the concept.”  
  
The only reason I know that is because I’ve had to function that way for a long time because of him…  
  
And even though I’ve found myself thinking about Takumi more than I should have, it never overpowered the strong thoughts I had towards the one person I admired most in the world. The person I couldn’t bear living without…  
  
The person I still can’t reach or understand no matter how much I try.  
  
I feel so jealous.  
I say that about both of their techniques and the way they love to race, but I know I’m jealous for reasons more than this.  
  
How come Takumi’s touching my brother in a way that I can’t? I know I can’t-   
  
We shouldn’t…  
and yet..

I still try.  
  
I get up and he’s still talking to me. The cold air is stinging me more than it should and I feel like a corpse in the few steps it takes me to get to him.   
With my foot, I gently push away the wallet that fell to the ground. I put my arms over my brother’s shoulders and I hang on there for dear life, trying to understand myself and why this feeling won’t stop.  
  
Trying to see why things have to come to this, why they have to be so complicated when the feelings are so clear…  
  
And even though I know it is useless, I want to blame myself.  
In a way, I want to blame you for being the way you are.  
  
“Keisuke?” he asks me as he stops typing while I bury my face into his shoulder.  
  
Trying to hold on.  
  
  
Damn you…  
You told me to trust you!  
  
And because of that, I love you to the point it hurts and you don’t recognize my feelings.  
Not like his.  
  
Whenever you look at him or talk to him, you comprehend one another.  
  
And once again, Aniki, you’ve left me all alone.  
  
  


This is what it feels whenever I drive my car in a battle. You let go of me and I’m fighting.  
Fighting for myself.   
  
Fighting with and against you.

And for what?  
  
To get to you; to get back to you.  
And you know what’s ironic?  
  
You’re always beside me, but you’re so blind too…  
  
  
 **Owari.**

**Author's Note:**

> Recently, I’ve become obsessed over Initial D (both watching the anime and playing the video game for hours on end). And this particular fic was spurned by a moment’s inspiration in which I had an image of Keisuke looking at a picture of Takumi, which was the possession of Ryousuke.   
> I wish I could write a longer fic, but that will be reserved for the end of Initial D. I want to see the progression of the anime before doing anything…


End file.
